Andrea

mammoth_mctusk @ 2005-02-20T19:13:00

2005-02-21T03:19:15Z

I havent been on live journal in the past two years. I havent done much. feeling wise. I miss learning of everyone. Here is a little factoid about me.
I am happy.
most the time.
Good job
Great friends.
Some of which I miss dearly.
I need you all. All the time.
I had a bad end of the nite last nite. My door was broke domn. I threw my phone out a window. and slammed my head in with a shoe. and honestly. I dont remember why. I am much better today.
Isnt it weird how someone just randomly adds something in once and a while.
Sorry to make mine kinda fucking weird.
I am good though.
Celebrated my dads birthday today.
Lots of fun with the fam.
And
I am going to try and buy a house. THat scares me, but its time to get the fucking money ball a-rollin!
Its been good.

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-11-16T18:55:00

2002-11-17T03:03:12Z

hello.
I have been removed

and thats it

ok

there are a number of things running through my head. most of them i cannot spit out into words.
what i really, and i fucking mean really said, wont be known.

senile
tripped out
over
long over
mixed with my letters
with the wrong, fucked up person.

no one will believe this

i love you both

i wouldnt say it now, and not fucking ever if i didnt mean it.

its over

i guess

i am babysitting amanda right now, this is one 8 year old i have missed for a very long time. she is such a great kid.

bye

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-10-18T06:59:00

2002-10-18T14:04:42Z

first of all, the part where i said nothing will now or ever happen, was not about you. ok. it was about someone completely different to any situation. i was gathering a number of thoughts into one update.
and yes i was mad when our "marrige" was annuled due to the fact that i do love you i am just not in love with you. i was seeing justin at the time. the reason why we didnt break up or end everything is because i wanted to give him a chance. i do love him, and yes he doesnt always give me what i need, and does piss me off. but i am hoping from this i can teach him for his future. i guess that is important to me. he and i are more just like friends anyway.
i dont and will not ever expect you to apologize to me. i know now that i hurt you really bad.
but how could i ever get the chance to see you or even get closer to you than i already was when all you did was leave all the time.
All i want is for you to not hate me and understand that i am confused.
my confession of love for someone else was just something that happened. it was more of an idea than a project.
a soul mates kind of thing.
nothing more
friends forever.
i need to go.
i am working a long day again.

I am still alive, breathing, tired and a little lonely.

2002-10-17T14:01:48Z

Some people call me a man killer.
I am not.
For anyone i have ever hurt in the past, anyone, i am sorry.
I dont really know what to say.
I never tried to hurt anyone, ever. i suppose it just came out with all the times that i have been fucked in the ass by previous people i have loved over the years.
There is nothing going on, nor will there be.
just some simple feelings shared which should be perfectly understandable.
Brian. why?
WHy do i have to feel like such a fuck up. no one will take what i have to say into consideration. ever. just thinking it all comes out of my ass.

Life otherwise is ok. Fairly lonely, but ok. so yes, i have a boyfriend, but he and i have both decided that our relationship is more like a friendship. we spend an average of ten minutes to a half an hour together each day. usually alone, but sometimes with other people. It is kind of nice, but at the same time, i wonder if i am missing out.
i cant fuck up again thats all i know. I suppose if i am such a killer, i will end up all alone at the rate i am going by the time i am 25. I dont want to be alone. i want someone who will love and support me even though i will be busy with my own business someday and maybe not have the time to come home everynight at 6:00pm.
whatever. my honey bear is nice, and we will go with that for a while.

i work everyday. I am working for a company inside of double tree as a security guard and escort for candidates applying at the airport.
Everyone i work with is so unbelievably nice and wonderful. i love it.
i work anywhere from 9 to 13 hours a day.
money is good though.

where will my life take me.
who knows.
i am tired.
woke up too early and had terrifying dreams last night that i couldnt wake up from

oh well

dont ever pitty me, just open your mind long enough to understand that i am a real person with real thoughts and ideas. just know what i mean and like i said, understand.

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-08-30T12:09:00

2002-08-30T18:16:39Z

michelle...ididnt know you were still on the lj. i love yooooouuuuuu...11:30 you say...i will be there. you should call me and let me know some more info. just call after 7pm your time. i did not forget you i just didnt know you would read as well. i miss you and everyone so much andam glad you are coming to mn too!

a little about what i am doing right now. sitting at my friend mats house. they guys locked me out of the appartment. not there fault. i stayed at mats, and when i went to go home, they were gone. (bye the way there is no thang between me and mat.)
anyway. pretty good night. me mat angie and andy hung out. made music and drank beer. then watched the shining. tonight i think has plans of partying and fun. but who knows.
i miss everyone and hope you all still remember me. and. i am in love and i realize it more and more everyday that i am gone.
i miss you guys, and if anyone sees justin, give him a kiss for me. hahaha im pretty sure logan can do the job. just kidding!!!!
oh
nichole call justin in a couple of days. hewanted your cell number and i forgot to give it to him. 7501145

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-08-28T00:27:00

2002-08-28T06:27:02Z

jesse you are more than important, but i was running out of time and energy. I love you. ok dont forget that. I will never choose any favorites.

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-08-27T15:13:00

2002-08-27T20:12:41Z

I AM NOT RETARDED AND PROMISE ON EVERYTHING I DID NOT PUSH THE UPDATE BUTTON TWICE. I GUESS THIS JUST MEANS DOUBLE THE LOVE

and the 2nd day of computer contact begins.

2002-08-27T20:10:09Z

THIS IS AMAZING. MY LIFE NOW.
I AM SOOOOO PROUD OF YOU NICHOLE. YOU ARE ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE WHO MEAN EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO ME AND I COULDNT BE HAPPIER ABOUT THE WAY YOU FEEL NOW. I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT BE THERE LAST NIGHT. I WOULD HAVE FLOWN HOME JUST TO SEE THAT IF I COULD HAVE.

KYLA. I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE WORKING MORE AND MAKING THAT MONEY THAT YOU NEED. I MISS YOUR FACE AND YOUR STUPID ASS DANCE. BEING ABLE TO TALK TO YOU SOMETIMES AND OTHER FRIENDS HAS REALLY KEPT ME GOING.

LOGAN. I MISS YOU SOOO MUCH TOO. ALTHOUGH WE HAVENT REALLY TALKED LATELY, I KNOW YOUR ALIVE AND PROBABLY DOING WELL. I HOPE THINGS ARE GOING WELL IN YOUR PEEBRAIN LITTLE MIND. AND CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU.

CHARLI. I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE A WORKING WOMAN NOW. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU TOO. MISS I AM GONNA WORK OUT AND WORK AND BE HOT AT THE SAME TIME. i CANNOT WAIT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GONNA GET!!

KANDI. I DONT KNOW IF YOU CAN READ THIS, BUT, I AM SCARED AND HAPPY ALL AT THE SAME TIME THAT YOU ARE GOING TO COLLEGE. I AM GOING TO MISS Y OU SOOOO MUCH. PLEASE DONT EVER FORGET ME.

BRIAN, MY HUSBAND. THOUGH I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN A VERY LONG TIME, I THINK OF YOU ALL THE TIME.SEATTLE IS MY NEXT PLACE OF JOURNEY. YOU WILL HOPEFULLY BE READY TO SEE ME WITH OPEN ARMS.

ALICIA. UNFORTUNATELY WE DID NOT SEE EACH OTHER FOR A WHILE BEFORE I LEFT. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU AND TELL YOU ALL MY STORIES AND SEE HOW YOU ARE DOING. i REALLY HOPE EVERYTHING IS WELL.

KIRBY. YOUR CUTE LITTLE FACE IS ALWAYS ON MY MIND TOO. IF YOU ARE NOT BUSY ONE NIGHT WHEN I GET BACK I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE YOU TO COFFEE AND CATCH UP.

EMILY. OH YES. I WILL BE EATING YOUR BREADSTICKS SOON AND RETURNING YOUR GARMENTS YOU LOANED ME. I CANNOT WAIT TO SE EYOU
AND I HOPE THINGS ARE GOING WELL CAUSE I KNOW THEY WERE A LITTLE ROCKEY FOR YOU AROUND THE TIME I LEFT.

DAVID F. THANKYOU SOO MUCH FOR GIVING ME THE JUDE CD. IT KEPT ME AWAKE AND HAPPY ON MY 3 DAY DRIVING TRIP. I MISS YOU AND WILL SEE YOU WHEN I RETURN.

DAVID DYKE. IT WAS SO NICE TO TALK TO YOU THE OTHER DAY. IN ALL HONESTY, I WAS A LITTLE AWKWARD AND NERVOUS, BUT DONT KNOW WHY. I AM GLAD THAT YOU ARE MEETING THE NEW AND CARRYING ON. LIKE I SAID BEFORE I WILL CALL AND AM ANXIOUS TO SEE YOU WHEN I GET BACK

BRIAN, I AM ALSO VERY EXCITED TO SEE YOUR HAPPY FACE WHEN I GET BACK. I GOT SOME PICTURES YOU CAN PUT ON THE INTERNET!!

AND JP.
I HAVE NOT TALKED TO YOU IN SO LONG. I HOPE LIFE IS WELL AND REALLY HOPE TO CATCH UP SOMEDAY. I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU FOR SO LONG. AND BY THE WAY. i HAVE A PICTURE OF YOU OUTHERE IN MN AND I MADE SURE TO TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND IN THE FIRST AND SECOND GRADE!

I SUPPOSE WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I MISS AND LOVE ALL OF YOU AND THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY LIFE WHAT IT HAS BEEN.

I KNOW THIS IS A LITTLE MUSHY, BUT THATS WHAT BEING 1800 MILES AWAY CAN DO TO YOU.

and the 2nd day of computer contact begins.

2002-08-27T20:09:50Z

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-08-26T16:56:00

2002-08-26T21:57:56Z

OK
Computer contact..
I am in Minnesota and am having a blast
95% of the time
anyway.
I miss and love all of my friends.
Some of you are going through changes that I so wish I could be there for.
GOOD AND BAD
I love you all and am homesick
The only thing is.
I love it here.
MN is great and if I ever move from WA (in 2 years) it is going to be here, I think.
I checked it out, and I love it.
I have had 4 different job offers that I had to turn down. THings just work out here.
But, I have way to much to loose at home. way to much.
I would say specific hellos but what if i forgot someone
they wouldnt be happy about it.
You know who you are.
and i love you

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-06-05T22:10:00

2002-06-06T05:15:11Z

I act like I'm 22.
This test was brought to you by David - Part of the David and James phenomenon. Take it here.

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-05-26T21:33:00

2002-05-27T04:34:50Z

Instead of saying "hi may I please speak to amy?" when I called Columbia Credit union, I said "Hi, may I please spank amy?"
I had no idea what had happened!
Just a whole lot of laughter after that.

Truly something I didn't want to write. Figured it go away.

2002-05-27T04:33:30Z

I didn't get the subi on Friday.

All day on friday, I tried and tried to find a co-signer.
You could say I was just antsey about a car. Which often times turns me on or just makes me plain excited, especially when it is going to be mine.

A dear friend was going to do it and then he couldn't (leaving town). Perfectly fine but a let down on my end. Not personally, just because of process.

Then I took all day to find someone who would help. No one would and then, I found her. an old best friends mom. She offered to co-sign.

So, I am with the gals, Kirby and Charli, we go to portland to get Sally. (woman selling car to me.) we drive. GO to the bank.
As we pull into (almost) the parking lot, the woman from the bank called and said, "you have been denied because of your low monthly income."
OK> Now I am a little upset. I pull into the am pm right next to my bank...

I never thought that someone would have such an impact on my life. Especially when I think/thought that they were really genuine. Someone could have helped me on my day of hell, and I asked. Nicely at that.
He was there and didn't help.
To be honest. The tears filled my eyes. HOw lame is that. Not even worth it for an antsey feeling.
I had a bad day.
But, later sally and the girls and I went to coffee. She bought me a drink. It was great.

Then, bless his heart. Adrian calls..."I am at the beach, Bring me water." "is that all." "Yeah...."
WOW> the tears.

I am NOT saying he isn't genuine, but my feelings were honestly hurt. That's all
I suppose shit happens.
Whatever.

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-05-05T21:30:00

2002-05-06T04:33:39Z

Subaru...aaahhhhhh.....(not a scream, but one of those happy sighs!)
I am a little too confused.
Not about the car.
Huh.
A new play starts on Thursday.
I made all the costumes. Everyone says that they are really happy with them, but I know that somethings bug the other actors. WHatever. Their problem not mine. I have carpultunnle. (sp?)
Gotta go.
Movie starting.

wow

2002-04-13T00:27:53Z

Long day.
I think that I have carpultunnle(spelling=terrible)
All I do I sew, all day, everyday.
The business is wonderful, the people I work with are wonderful. But, the stress and not being able to see the people I care for, is difficult. dang.
Oh well.
There are a lot of people I miss. I could begin to name names, but, sometimes I wonder, what good would it do?
I try, I either A) SUCCEED B)FAIL. It works both ways.
I wrote a poem a little while ago, about my friends and what they mean to me, I may post it sometime, but it just states that if I have ever called you a friend, you meant more to me than I can explain. I take pride in who I know and who I can trust... I miss you guys. So that is that.
Life is busy, and I am getting paid.

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-03-28T19:44:00

2002-03-29T03:46:18Z

I forgot...I just recently got back from a fashion show. It was terrible. It was all history and me, Kandi, and Charli were the only people under 40. I mean it really was hilarious, but weird. Honestly, the most interesting, random hour of my life!

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-03-19T00:12:00

2002-03-19T08:03:19Z

difficulty keeping these little green eyes open. But, lots of fun this fine evening. Old friends in town. Keepin it real.
Must say sorry to all of those now who are in deep shit. I mean the problems that keep you from happiness. Personally, I would and will do anything to keep a smile on the faces of those who need it.
This is, if you truley know me!

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-03-11T17:36:00

2002-03-12T01:38:51Z

I wonder if it is difficult to be completely selfish and dishonorable. I hate this man for that. I have never once disrespected him, like no one else, and all he does is treat me terrible. To be a teacher, what does that mean.

All in all...a good day. No sleep makes Andrea a very funny person.

Thinking about this today...Success is a must.
I have 20 costumes designed already for Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Damn.
This next couple of months is going to be difficult...If anyone out there feels like stealing me away for a night, day, hour, whatever...DO SO. Welcome to stay the night...as long as you are no crrreeeeepppy bastard!!!

But, I am making lots of money now. Thats good!

Fabulous evening, last night, as well. Many interesting, not everyday, things!

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-02-18T22:42:00

2002-02-19T06:40:05Z

Dangit. A whole lot. There is a saying "it takes two to tango..." I beg to differ.
All by myself I really did!!

Dangit twice.

2002-02-14T04:07:17Z

Funny, I updated twice with different things. Was going to go to a play with a dear friend, canceled, then I was thinking after that, the "having a drink thing" would be nice. ANyways. updating twice, that'll make ya laugh. Oh god even out loud!

if you really knew me

2002-02-12T00:15:57Z

Maybe if my face wasnt so soggy,
I could go outside,
Maybe if I was ok,
I would be playing.
Huh.
Tired
Alone
Scared
Dont know why.
Things are...
wow.
feeling the trickle of a tear down my neck makes me think of...stuff.
little hands, so frail, dont know what to do.
breathe
breathe
smiling still makes me feel better. I love it.
when are you gonna come home?
Others smiles make be better.
THough I am not bad
(the wrong idea isnt to be interpreted here.)
I think
It feels so good to cry

dangit, what is this?

Gracious Me

2002-02-10T23:24:33Z

Went home last night/this morning at about 4:00. I was unbelievably confused and tired and awake and not so much happy. Went in and talked to my mom. SHe asked what was wrong, I just spit out words and I dont think they made any sense.
But this morning, when I woke up and saw the sun shining through the window and heard my mom waking me up (for no apparant reason) I was wonderfly happy. Let me tell you, that must have been the best sleep ever. Though, falling asleep was a little difficult. It is every now and then when no one is next to you. But what can you do?(Grin)

Kind of wrote a poem last night, Update it later maybe...now I am off to bowling league.

IF I were mean...

2002-02-10T10:20:46Z

Earlier, I updated on livejournal some of the most important things that are going on in my life right now. It isnt even worth it to try and update again. The reason it didnt come through is because I was a big fat dumbass and was disconnected. Duh.
BUt, if I were mean, or maybe not as kind, Things would be appreciated more. NOt giving up. Close though. Dont know about what. but whatever. I feel sick. TUmmy sick. Dammit.

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-01-30T21:09:00

2002-01-31T05:08:20Z

maybe i updated twice, but that is twice the fun!

mammoth_mctusk @ 2002-01-30T21:09:00

2002-01-31T05:07:51Z

goodness gracious. hanging with the nic hole and mill wad. too bad i always sing to myself in the car, and when i think of bad things, i just smile and think of all the good things. some may say this is hiding your feelings, but i say, why would i dwell in sorrow. smile. if your sad, i'll come and try to smile at your world! keep it real.